Breadwinner

March 20, 2007 at 4:06 am (Uncategorized)

I am not a breadwinner. I do not win bread. I frequently eat large quantities of it, but said bread is in no way, shape or form, won by me. Does this make me a bread loser, seeing as how I’m not winning any bread? Perhaps so, for it is not uncommon for a certain porcelain entity in the nether parts of the household to summon me at various junctures during the day to bestow upon me the opportunity to lose some of this bread I have not won, though have indeed both ingested and digested.

Such unpleasantries aside, though, it is nonetheless possible to lose bread that you have not won. In fact, it is often easier (and more fun) to lose bread that someone else has won than to lose bread of which you yourself have been the winner. Bread may be lost after a number of interesting fashions.

For example, one could lose copious amounts of bread by simply not winning any at all. People will come and take your bread away from you in exchange for your mere existence in something say, similar to an apartment. And it would behoove us not to forget the myriad ways in which bread may, indeed, be lost wittingly, as in the cases of the souse, the junkie, and otherwise addicted. These poor saps freely donate a goodly portion of their hard, unearned bread to other saps, who in turn squander this newly acquired bread in variegated manners.

Besides these concerns, I wonder how exactly bread is won; that is, in what particular manner does one win bread? Is there some sort of jousting contest, or is it more of a general melee? This, I confess, I do not know, since I am not a winner of bread, as I have noted previously. I therefore and thusly salute all who name themselves winners of bread, for it seems a noble task, and one that deserves consideration for all winners in general. After all, if you are a winner, you might as well be winning bread.